have you ever put something off, like maybe updating your personal website for 619 days? me neither.
oh, i got a cat. his name is roy.
roy turns 6 on october 17th.
a much needed escape
it feels weird to sit down and start writing about a trip i was on without acknowledging the past year. 2020 was brutal. that’s not what this post is about though. i did manage to make some music and take some photos so i will make a proper “2020 in review” post soon.
back in february of 2020, my friends jack and tim invited me to spend a weekend at a cabin. we had a great time and spent an entire day hiking around minnewaska state park. none of us had any idea it would be the last time we’d see each other for the rest of the year. below are some of the photos from that trip that i took with my film camera.
jack reached out a few weeks ago and asked if i wanted to join him on another weekend getaway. this time the destination was ithaca and our friend jake was joining the crew. i wrestled with my reclusive attitude that i had settled into over the year but knew i’d be missing out on a much needed escape.
it was strange to be around people i hadn’t seen since the pandemic had started. the version of me they knew was someone who has felt far away for quite some time. it didn’t take long to find an old rhythm. i caught myself feeling loose and began to shed the weight that had been building over the past year.
our drive to the cabin was filled with lots of laughs and an MF DOOM tribute. i appreciate how they entertained my business pitch. i tried to sell my idea about having a butter inhaler to use while eating popcorn so you don’t get your hands messy. they didn’t seem into it. as the pitch spiraled out of control the title of the product emerged. “big daddy petes butter blast”. (later in the weekend i drunkenly purchased www.bigdaddypetes.com so hit me up if you want an @bigdaddypetes.com email address). i can really see the product having a big 2021!
our home for the weekend.
once unpacked we decided to spend the second half of the day at buttermilk falls. i had camped there back in 2012 during the summer. the winter completely changed the landscape. it felt brand new and refreshing. sadly we were met with trail closures. it was a little disappointing knowing we were going to be cheated out of some incredible views. after some walking we found the rim trail and began our hike. that’s when something magical happened.
we turned a corner and noticed a small path that led down to the gorge trail. it was technically closed but we wanted to check out the old wooden bridge. it began snowing as we headed towards the gorge.
i found myself lost in the stillness. i’ve always loved how sound waves travel slower in cold weather. it’s why it feels like you’re in a vacuum when it snows. we all scattered out to take photos and explore. being able to take a deep breath of fresh air and not worry about covid for a moment felt energizing. only in its absence did i see how much mental energy it had been taking. it reminded me how easy stress and anxiety can turn into the background hum of your life.
jack and jake on the bridge.
the snow formed tiny balls that made it look fake.
a view from the bridge.
we decided it was best to not take the gorge trail since it was covered with a sheet of ice. the rim trail eventually led us downhill towards the bottom of buttermilk falls. in the summertime this area is open for swimming. the gorge trail is on the right and you can see how steep it is at the start.
tim and buttermilk falls.
we all underestimated how hard the hike back up the rim trail would be. it was a good wake up call to start getting back in shape. we made it to the car just before sunset. jack suggested we try to make a fire back at the cabin. it felt a little crazy and normally i don’t find myself willing to stand outside in 15 degree weather, but there we all were. it reminded me of rafting down the middle of a river, a perspective you normally don’t get to see.
jack and tim nursed the fire to an acceptable level of warmth while jake took on barbecue duty. it felt surreal doing things normally reserved for the summer. at some point jake ran into a problem and tim swooped in to help cook the rest of our food in the kitchen. jack and i stood around the fire watching tim through the cabin window. it looked like her was performing surgery. we decided to call him “dr beef”.
after a delicious dinner we decided that we would spend our full day of the trip at robert treman state park. it wasn’t far from buttermilk falls and i remembered it being a breathtaking hike during the summer. we woke up to some pretty intense snow conditions. jack wanted to try and get a photo of me on a long hill by our cabin. this is how it came out
that’s me in the center. photo credit to jack kearney.
jack after taking the photo.
it’s crazy what a ten minute drive can do. when we got to robert treman state park the snow had stopped and the sky had cleared up. we ran into the same issue as the day before. the gorge trail was closed. this one hurt because i knew how special that hike had been. we decided to take the rim trail and see where it took us. it eventually led to the base of lucifer falls, the feature of the hike.
jack and i spent some time at the base. i enjoy watching him take photos. we have very different styles. i take reactionary photos. i don’t like spending a lot of time trying to set them up. jack has so much patience and it shows in his photography. it had been a long time since i had been able to watch him shoot. we were lost in a conversation when my phone rang. it was tim and he told us he had gone past the closed sign to the gorge trail and that we needed to join him. jack and i didn’t want to risk it so we declined. a minute later tim was video calling. it took one glimpse at where he was for jack and i to change our minds.
jack and tim taking a breather. lots of ups and downs on the trail.
setting up a shot of lucifer falls.
the base of lucifer falls. the real magic is around the rocks to the right.
we shimmied around the closed gate and started our hike up the side of the waterfall. there are steps carved into the side which give stunning views as you are walking. i was running low on film so i took a few phone shots as well.
the stairway leading deeper into the gorge.
profile of lucifer falls.
deeper into the gorge.
i love the way the rock broke away and almost forms a doorway into the mountain.
we reached the end of the gorge trail and decided to turn back. there was a weathered stone bridge that we crossed and jack asked me to stand on it. i really love the way the photo came out. photo credit to jack kearney.
it’s a little hard to see but i’m holding my field recorder in the photo. i brought it with me so i could capture the sounds of the trip. i’m still learning my way around but i did manage to capture some sounds i’d like to do something with.
this windscreen is an absolute a must have. it’s also quite entertaining.
what i learned about field recording was that the gain knob should be used a bit more gently. a lot of the waterfalls ended up sounding like static. every once in a while i’d catch a more peaceful part of the gorge. i’d point my recorder close to the cold flowing water and listen. i’m happy i was able to get a few decent recordings from the trip. i’m excited about recording more adventures this way!
ithaca was a great alternative to the catskills in new york. it’s definitely worth visiting any time of the year, with each season offering a different palette of color. as someone who enjoys space, i loved visiting in the winter because the location can get a bit crowded when the weather is warm. just remember to wear layers and stay hydrated!
i struggled with breaking out of my routine that i’ve developed to cope with getting through last year. i’ve been guilty in the past of getting comfortable in the fire. i’m so glad i was able to push through that built up resistance and be reminded of what’s important. i’m grateful for the friends in my life.
if you’ve made it this far down i hope you have enjoyed the trip! i’ve always wanted to write about my experiences and take people along with me. i finally feel motivated to give it a shot. i hope to do more of these. i’ll leave you with a video i cut together. i wasn’t planning on doing anything with them but i felt inspired. i also sat down and recorded the music. the sound on the actual videos wasn’t good so i used my field recordings from the trip throughout. i’d describe the finished product as a “poor mans joe pera”.
below is the audio.
i’m all finished rambling. i just wanted to share the roots from this tree. i love how it’s stretching out.
2019 in review
i must admit, i got pretty lazy updating this website. it has always been my intention to post my photography and other creative projects on here. i haven’t been very good at that. i was skimming through my journal and noticed i had done entries on the 31st for the past few years reviewing my year. i thought it would be fun to go through everything i worked on this year.
after spending time wading through all the song ideas and the 456 film photos i took, i came to a realization. i struggle a lot with creative drought. i spent most of 2019 feeling like i wasn’t producing enough.
i had zero deadlines.
looking back, i was leveling up a lot. i think what happened to me was once i hit my first goal i didn’t spend time appreciating my accomplishment. instead i pushed forward onto whatever was next. as the year went on i think my sense of producing creative ideas was pretty wonky. my expectations had shifted but i hadn’t acknowledged that. i was putting this phantom pressure on myself to always be creating.
i got pretty low over the summer and didn’t make much. looking back i see a summer that was filled with adventure. i made great memories during that time.
i guess what i’m rambling about is this: it’s great to want to constantly improve but don’t let it consume you.
i’m really excited for 2020. i recently acquired some new synthesizers and midi controllers. i’m going to push myself out of my musical comfort zone more often and really take the time to assess if i’m challenging myself correctly.
below are two sections. they are my 2019 reviews in sound and film. they’re collections of music and photos that i made and took this year that make me feel good. they might not be my best work but each one selected means something to me.
here’s to a creatively fulfilling 2020!
2019 in sound
2019 in film
the last thing i want to say about 2019 was being able to perform a song i wrote at my companies talent show. the year prior i had teased myself with the idea of maybe performing a cover but chickened out. i had a great group of friends in my corner throughout the entire process. i was lucky enough to have someone record the whole performance on video.
i am eternally grateful to all of my friends who took the time to learn the song and be on stage with me to perform it. i’m also lucky that my friend blake made gorgeous visuals to go with the performance. it took a lot of work and it came out great.
5_19 post_it collection
this is a collection of little ideas i record. i am trying to form a habit of making things and moving forward. i plan on revisiting some of these one day. for now, they're just post-its sitting on my hard drive. when it comes to naming them, i tend to not put much thought into it. it’s usually whatever pops into my head when i go to save it.
track listing
intro (0:00 - 0:28)
- i grabbed some audio from a yotube video. the music is some pitched down japanese jazz from the 1970’s. thought it would be fun.
a. 5_4 - korgin it (0:28 - 1:16)
- definitely feeling some radiohead here. i was learning how to make my own patches on the microkorg.
b. 5_5 - repurposing 2_25_19 beat (1:16 - 1:46)
- i was digging through some older ideas and i liked this drum beat i had made so i added some guitar/bass loops.
c. 5_7 - lost guitar (1:46 - 2:24)
- this is a fun riff off a minor scale on starting on the A string. i find myself recalling this riff often.
d. 5_7 - some medieval vibes (2:24 - 2:49)
- this made me think i was sitting in the woods with armor on and i had a sword. i don't know.
e. 5_11 - feeling the drain (2:49 - 4:02)
- based on the title and sound, i imagine i wasn't feeling great.
f. 5_13 - funk in your funk (4:02 - 4:41)
- this started with the bass line. i was trying to push myself to write more complex bass lines. reminds me of some old video game music.
g. 5_18 - acoustic sins (4:41 - 5:05)
- i honestly don't know why i named this track acoustic sins. i might repurpose this one for tmojc project.
h. 5_18 - bossa nonna (5:05 - 6:03)
- i am a sucker for this sort of drum best so i wanted to try to make one of my own. the chords came naturally. i tend to try and write parts for cello and trumpet since i have friends who play both instruments and i'd love to have the real sounds. this is something i will definitely come back to
i. 5_25 - nu keyz (6:03 - 6:32)
- i got a new midi keyboard (novation impulse 61) and i guess i was excited and needed to make something. flagged for tmojc for sure.
j. 5_26 - live sounds + microkorg (6:32 - 7:03)
- this was my first attempt at trying to record live sounds. i have a mixer setup with lot's of synths and a microphone.
k. 5_27 - 99 red balloons vox test (7:03 - 8:17)
- i keep forgetting i have a vocoder on my microkorg. i had just learned the chords to this song and i thought it was appropriate. the ending reminds me of something i'd hear on a broken social scene album.
l. 5_27 - take what i finish (8:17 - 11:29)
- i put a lot more work into this track. it's got a quote from one of my favorite movies, the thing. this was another attempt to do recorded drums instead of midi. the drone is me on a harmonica with some vibrato on it. i'm super proud of this bass line, it's one of the cooler ones i have written. i have really fallen in love with my casio sk-1. it's how i get the voice samples. it's limiting, but i love that about it. the overall recording is a little sloppy. this one will be fleshed out more for sure.
m. 5_28 - nobody trusts anybody now (11:29 - 13:34)
- a late night recording. it actually started with the toms on an 808. i never use toms so i figured i'd give it a shot. i used whatever was in my room to make sound. more quotes from the thing. the clicking in the beginning is a lighter. there was a siren going off in the background and it got picked up with the lighter. this song also features the following: a pringles can filled with crumbs, scissors, hand farts, and a polaroid camera.
n. 5_29 - let’s go back (13:34 - 14:38)
- i just can't help myself with the sk-1 and sampled this ridiculous dude complaining about pokemon. this song was 100% a vessel to hear this idiot say "let's go back to pokemon". more patches that i created on my microkorg as well. really trying not not use midi/software instruments as much as possible.
o. 5_31 - reggae; going down to congress (ft. blake & nick) (14:38 - 15:30)
- this is an excerpt from a 20+ minute jam with my two friends. we let a drum machine go. blake was on bass and nick was on guitar. i was pulling up random youtube videos and sampling (blindly) them and playing it as we went. the sample was from a school house rock video. this was also part of testing if i could have multiple people making noise and record it. it was a success.
those were the ideas i had in the month of may. thanks for listening! let me know what tracks stood out.
- fire on the bqe
making stuff
my original plan for this blog was to have more frequent entries. that was a bust...
it’s been a little over a year since i had decided to start learning music. it happened on new years eve 2017. the party i was at had a basement filled with instruments. all of my friends who were there are talented musicians. i decided to throw myself into the jam session on guitar and i realized i could actually (barely) hang. i found it inspiring.
a few months later i bought a guitar and way too many pedals. i spent countless hours on youtube just absorbing whatever i could. i put what i learned into practice and attempted to write some stuff. a lot of the output from 2018 is over here. i really surprised myself. i have never had trouble coming up with an idea, but finishing one is another story.
i spent the fall of 2018 playing a lot of red dead redemption 2 and watching sergio leone films. ennio morricone’s name was constantly popping up in my life. spaghetti western music had invaded my mind.
“i want to make a song like that.”
this thought used to be met with, “but you don’t know how.” i took that to be the truth and the end of the conversation. instead of giving up, i decided to respond to myself.
“that’s true, but i can still give it a shot.”
the last few weeks of 2018 were spent listening to soundtracks, watching youtube videos, and asking myself a lot of questions. “why does this moment in the song make me feel this way? what is happening musically, on a theory level, that is influencing that feeling?” i was able to make a little sense of some of those questions. i also bugged all my friends whose musical opinions i respected.
at the beginning of 2019, i recorded this. i’m really proud of it. it took a long time to shape it into what you are hearing now. the process from the initial idea to a complete song was something still very new to me. the next step is to record the parts i made using software with real instruments. it will be a mixture of myself and my very talented friends on the final recording.
riding the high of completing that song, i wanted to keep on making things. it was late january and pretty cold outside. i spent a lot of time holed up in my room. one evening, i decided to revisit john carpenter’s the thing. after that, i spent some time listening to john carpenter’s soundtracks. i loved the fact that he made the soundtracks for his films. he’s made some really iconic songs. what’s funny is that the thing is one of the few films he did not score. it was done by ennio morricone! the transition was complete and .now all i could think about were the simple patterns of electronic sounds that made so many of john carpenter’s scores memorable.
i had that feeling again. i wanted to make a song like that.
i spent a weekend exploring every synthesizer sound logic had pre-installed. i made my own drum beats. it was challenging. when you’re playing in a giant sandbox, it can get overwhelming. it’s difficult to not want to throw every sound you find and think is cool into a song.
my guiding principle throughout the whole process was “keep it simple.”
this was the result. a four song electronic EP. i decided to title it the memories of john carpenter in honor of the person who inspired me. these songs were recorded with images in mind. i wanted a way to share them beyond audio.
there was a time in my life when i wanted to work in film. i didn’t have a specific job in mind. i loved it all. editing was always fun and it had been a while since i flexed that muscle. these songs seemed like a great opportunity to get back into it. i made a video for the first track here. digging for the videos was its own adventure and it sort of turned into an obsession. i have a hard drive with about 70gb of video now to play with for future projects.
between february and now, i have been throwing myself at other genres. i’m also learning new techniques and shedding bad habits i formed (mostly out of of laziness). it’s been wonderful to record and save all of my work. there is a lot that will never see daylight, but i think it’s important to retain it for a few reasons. the main one is so i am able to reflect and see actual growth. i can recognize when i had taken a month off and tried making something versus the things i made consecutively.
last week i decided to incorporate my microkorg into my workflow. i’ve owned it for half my life and really have never shown it the respect it deserved. i got lost playing my guitar one evening. i kept droning on this idea. i realized it was something worth experimenting with. i made quick decisions as i found some sounds with my synth. a few hours later i created this. i had taken a new approach with the recording.
i normally spend a lot of time planning out what i am going to record. it’s how i learned how to make songs. at some point it sort of just became the only way i could make a song. i think this happens to me a lot in life. i do something so many times that i forget there are other ways of accomplishing the same goal. it was such a freeing feeling.
i woke up still feeling good about what i had made the night before. there was one thing that had been nagging at me for a bit though. i really wanted to make a hip hop beat using samples. i had spent a week or two watching a lot of videos on how to do it. because of how i was feeling, i was willing to give it a shot. i already knew what i wanted to sample.
i mentioned earlier how i like to save everything i record so i can reflect on it. another benefit is repurposing. i found an idea i had with a silly drum beat and an organ playing over it. the organ was playing two chords back and forth. something clicked. i dropped the drum beat and recorded a new one. once a skeleton started to form i did a quick internet search for rap acapellas at the tempo of my beat. there were a few to choose from. MF DOOM is my favorite mc out there. once i found one of his, it was a no-brainer that he would be featured on my first beat.
my friend b complex came over and helped with the production. it’s nice to have someone you trust to bounce ideas off of. he also had great things to add that i would have never considered. together we put this out. the process of making it was so much fun and i definitely plan on making more.
the purpose of writing this today is because i just completed a video for 001 here, and i wanted to share it. it felt strange sharing that video without speaking about all of the other things i have made so far this year.
there are plans for some of these projects during the second half of 2019. i’ll actually be performing the spaghetti western song at my company’s talent show in a few weeks. it’ll be me and 10 of my co-workers playing. that will forever blow my mind. there was a time in my life when i would never dream of performing a cover in front of people, let alone something i made myself. it’s been a fun journey so far and i am excited to keep on making stuff.
i’d say check this site for updates but as you can see, i don’t update it much. clicking the photo below will bring you to my soundcloud where i usually post stuff to share. <3
this is where i made all the stuff i linked. i recorded 95% of what you listened to in my pajamas.
about that...
i swear i haven’t been procrastinating.
i’ve been working on getting better at music.
this is the space where i share the progress of the song i’ve been working on.
hope you’ve been creating stuff too!
monsters in the distance.
procrastination
i’ve spent a lot of time telling myself i would write something for this section. i left notes on my desk and would prep on my walk home from work. when the window was open to sit down and write something, i would find just about anything else to do instead.
i don’t think this is uncommon. it’s a lot of fun spending time in your mind. it seems to scratch that same itch as actually doing something.
when i zoom out, i notice that i tend to do this song and dance for a lot of parts of my life. what i have taken away from it all is that keeping things in my mind is the warmest of the security blankets i can lay on myself.
i spend a lot of time thinking about thinking about things. why keep it in this constant state of incompleteness?
i am very guilty of comparing my first draft (or maybe the pre first draft in my head) to others final drafts. i do it with writing. i definitely do it with music. i’ve seen how illogical this line of thinking is. i’ve told myself countless times that this isn’t how the process works. not many people can sit down and produce a completed work on their first pass. i’m sure some do, but i am not one of those people and i need to let go of that idea. the result is my brain trying to juggle a whole bunch of half-baked ideas that never go anywhere.
ever hear someone tell you their great idea? in my experience, those great ideas usually stay in the person’s head and only come out when they need to satisfy that feeling that they’ve completed something. i have definitely been that person.
i wonder where that comes from. i can only speak for myself but i believe it’s a fear of commitment. committing to an idea can be intimidating. finally choosing a direction for something feels like there’s no turning back. maybe that would be true if i was sitting down with a pen and paper with limited supplies of both. the digital age is pretty sweet.
maybe if i didn’t get so ahead of myself and just focused on sitting down, writing, and letting my brain stretch out and flex a bit i would actually get better at writing and not be so discouraged. multiple passes at something isn’t a bad thing.
i love analogies and even though i’m not a gym person, i think going to gym to work out is a great one. if you go to the gym once a month and expect to look ripped, you’re going to have a rough time and eventually give up. you get out what you put in. yes, there are some people who are naturally strong and don’t need to go as much and still look ripped. that’s life though. the sooner you can let go of how unfair that is, the sooner you will be able to refocus on yourself and what you’re doing to make yourself better.
it’s never easy to change the way you think. the brain will seek the path of least resistance. don’t let it. get those ideas down on paper. set aside some time for the things that you love and give yourself to them.
don’t procrastinate.
journal entry - 2011